turn soft & lovely anytime you have a chance. jenny holzer

Practise

Or is it "practice"?

I'm really into cultivating a practice these days. With a c. I looked it up. Things that slowly build upon themselves and become more than they are. Day by day. Not huge happy things like trips to Europe, but slow happy things like paying off debt. Like riding my bike to SFU everyday. Even in the rain. Even when I don't feel like it. Even on Monday mornings just after the daylight savings time change. Ugh.

And taking a photo a day for the whole year. I especially love this one. So easy. So rewarding. Sure there are days I'm totally uninspired, and I've definitely cheated a few times already - but it's making me stop and pull my camera out of my bag, and take those extra few minutes to get that picture I used to want to stop for but never did.

This last few weeks I've been trying to incorporate some yoga into my practice. After a few years of a break I need some more flexibility. I tried to go to a class down the street but money and time got the better of me. Instead I'm really feeling the at home living room yoga - assisted by these daily yoga podcasts - which are great! Twice a week is doable right? I hope so.

Hello spring!

Ups and Downs

Me on top of Mt Seymour. A crazy hike that included getting lost and seeing a guy getting taken away by search & rescue after a heart attack. Word is he didn't make it.

- The ongoing strike is getting me down. It's week 9. I'm poor. The city has continually refused to meet with us (I think they've spent a total of 3 hours talking in the last month) and they've now called in a mediator (we've been asking for this for weeks) but won't agree to a mutually agreed upon mediator, so at least things are moving forward but it's not looking good.

- I've been pretty good at getting rid of my garbage (everytime I drive to another city I take a bag of garbage with me and throw it out - the garbage strike is only on in Vancouver) but after 9 weeks of finding covert places to stash my kitchen waste, I'm getting tired of it.

+ I'm working on a movie! It's only one day a month in workshops right now, learning the ropes. It's by the folks that made the East Van Porn Collective film a few years back, no it's not porn, it's about sexual assault in progressive communities. It's a long process, filming will start next summer. I'll keep you posted.

+ I've decided to bump up my Beyond Robson work and have accepted the post of being an editor. Flattery always gets me to accept offers I'm unsure of. Small amounts of money help too. Oh, and I'm lined up for an all access media pass for the VIFF!

+ September has been great so far. Not sure what it is about the fall, but every year I forget how much I love the fall. I've been riding my bike to and from SFU three days a week now (not up the hill, no way) so the endorphin rush is really helping with the September craziness up at work. I'm in love with my bike! I'm looking into raingear. Plus Sharmeen's visit was great and Deanna's moving into the basement suite in my house in October. Yay friends living in my house!

+ The library has a bike brigade riding every day (Monday to Thursday) where folks who want to do their entire picket shift riding their bikes from picket site to picket site. Went on Thursday and it's so great! It was a beautiful sunny day and we rode around from the eastside down the westend by the ocean and I haven't been down there in a while. It doesn't smell like garbage (private companies collect from all the condos and apartments down there)! And out of the 3 striking unions the library's got the highest morale from doing creative things like the bike brigade.

- I still can't wear pants, due to the open wound on my knee. Have been wearing skirts for about a month now. Damn scooter accident!

- I'm cat-sitting some crazy sketchy cats for a month and they're hissing and meowing all the freaking time. Why do I say yes to these sorts of things? Mr Paublo, I miss you.

-/+ Flying to Ontario has become so expensive ($800) that I'm looking into going to Central America for the winter holidays. It costs the same amount and Elise is down there and will have vacation time. I just need to get back to work to save some money.

Accident!

I got into a scooter accident last night. I'm okay, everything's okay, but it was pretty scary nonetheless. I'm cat-sitting for Jeff and Alexis while they're in Alberta/Sask/Ont for the next few weeks and in order for me to get to their house everyday they lent me their scooter. Yamaha 50cc something or other. I've ridden scooters before, only once or twice, quite a while ago. So I was a bit nervous about it all. Figuring I should get some practice I went for a ride at sunset. I was trying to track down Elise as she's in town for one night. I rode all through East Van, down to the Cambie, and then thought of riding out to the beaches out by UBC. Everything was going well. I was getting used to the bike. All good.

It started to rain. Pour. I was in a skirt and my red fluevog cowboy boots, which really have nothing to do with my story except to paint the picture that I was looking pretty cute on the scooter and had bare legs. I turned back at Alma and 4th, to head to their house to feed the cat. I get to the intersection of Cambie and 19th. For all you out-of-towners, Cambie is a huge mess as they're cutting the path of the RAV line down the length of it. I have a stop sign, it's a pretty blind corner, low visibility, so I gun it faster than I normally would to get through the intersection as fast as possible. Little do I know that instead of concrete the intersection is a wide metal slab covering the RAV line hole. And it's pouring rain. And I'm going faster than I probably should be. I slip. The bike goes one way and I go the other, landing hard on my left knee and rolling a bit. I land face up, and lay there awhile catching my breath. Some nice dude comes and helps me walk the bike out of the intersection and a Starbucks employee who was bringing the patio furniture in invites me inside to sit down and see if I'm okay. At this point I'm still in shock and not feeling any pain but my knee is a bloody mess and swelling up before my eyes.

After some panicky phone calls I decide I don't need medical attention and I'm gonna park the bike around back and cab home. By the time I limp back out to the bike it's stopped raining and I have an urge to "get right back on the horse" or else I'll be too scared to ever ride the scooter again. So I ride it back to Jeff + Alexis's house, feed the cat and leave the scooter there, opting to cab home. Nicole and Gisele come over and tend to my wounds, feeding me advil and propping my leg up. Today I'm hobbling around but generally doing well. I was afraid I'd need crutches. I couldn't tell what kind of damage I did to my knee, but so far so good. I'm hoping I can ride my bike again by the end of the week. But maybe that's being overly optimistic. Right now I'm forced to wear skirts so that my bloody bandages don't catch on my pants. An old man told me my leg looked disgusting this afternoon while I was out getting groceries - thanks dude.

Three Strikes - You're Out!

Well folks, seems I'm on strike. I've got mixed emotions about this. For one, I've never been on strike before, and as a labour and union supporter, I'm kind of excited about experiencing this staple of labour activism. On the other, and more realistic hand, I'm in the semi-comfortable position that the library isn't my real job. It merely supplements my income with about 10 to 15 hours a week, so I'm not going to be hit as hard as the folks who are now having to live on strike pay - which is a paltry $250 a week.

And as I mull these things over, the garbage is piling up on the now hot again streets, and the corporate media is spinning the issue to be all about pay increases. Pay increase is one of the last things on our agenda. I mean, yeah, it's on our agenda, but in a pay equity sort of way. Library workers are predominately women, and are being paid much less than similar work in fields dominated by men. Surprise surprise. At least the Tyee's got some great articles up including this succinct article in favour of the workers. And there's a cute little love letter to the library posted on Beyond Robson today.

This first day of the first ever strike in VPL's history was pretty great. Almost half of the staff came down and did a shift on the picket line outside of Central. I was planning on being there for about an hour or two, but ended up staying for a whole shift, getting a co-op truck and driving all the supplies home at the end of the night. Everyone I talked to was really supportive and the fact that it was sunny again didn't hurt either. Day one, I give you 10 points. But I'd still like to be back at work in less than a week. Fingers crossed.

Hello, Awesome!

I came home today to a fantastic little surprise in my mailbox. It was in a large-ish government envelope from Public Service Human Resources Management Agency of Canada. I quickly went through all the government agencies who might be after me for money (student loans, taxes) or wanting to give me money (learn$ave program), but neither seemed right.

Instead I was greeted with a typed note and mixed cd called One Night Stand. "A musical equivalent of a booty call." A year ago we shared something, it wrote. It was brief; it was fun; it was passionate. We knew it wouldn't last, but the foreseeable expiration date didn't seem to get in the way of our fun. When it ended, I was conflicted by simultaneous feelings of relief and sadness. Months went by without a word, and I was okay with it. I moved on. I forgot about you.

A few months ago, though, I thought of you and what we once had. It was a brief thought, really just a split-second consideration of you and what we shared. But then a few days later, I found myself thinking of you again. On our anniversary, I sat down and made you this cd, but I was too shy to burn it or send it. It was as though I dialed your number but hung up before you answered, before you knew I had called.

But here I am, calling. Maybe I've had a few drinks; maybe I'm lonely; maybe I'm being nostalgic; maybe it's just for fun. Whatever the reason, I am presenting you with a one night stand. No strings attached; no expectations. Here I am: for 14 songs, I am yours again.

Now before you jump to all the logical conclusions, let me disappoint you by saying this is all in reference to a CD exchange I was a part of last year called Pop By Post (pxp). This sultry letter and mix was referring to that cd exchange and nothing more.

Hello, awesome mail! Robyn Silver you totally made my day! And I too have thought fondly of what we had last summer.

I LOVE Vancouver in the Summer

Elise at last year's critical mass.

All Vancouverites know what I'm talking about, summer has finally arrived in all its 34 degree glory and it makes it all worth it. All the crappy rainy winter days and all the crappy rainy spring days and all the grey grey grey - all is forgiven when summer finally arrives. I seriously think, with a bit of evidence to back me up, that Vancouver is the best city to be in Canada in the summertime. Okay, Whitehorse is pretty great too.

Here's what I've been up to with my long summer days: bike riding all over the place, biking from work, biking to the beach, biking everywhere. Paying off debts incurred over weeks of vacation and flights galore - ie working 12 hour split shifts every Tuesday. Putting on workshops and facilitating for campus and community radio all over the lower mainland. Some actually paying me well. Volcano. Vowing to quit Volcano. Thinking perhaps I won't quit Volcano. Cat-sitting. Allergies. Acupuncture. Trying unsuccessfully and begrudgingly to go off dairy (as ordered by my acupuncturist). Tuna, tuna, salmon, tuna. Sunset gelato. Organic strawberries and spinach salad. (I eat so well in the summer.) Trying to read but ending up watching the Wire instead. Wondering how to enter the dating scene without having to do anything about it. (I'm accepting applications all you cute political single folks out there. All two of you.) You think I'm kidding. Wondering what to do with myself on long summer nights, esp weeknights, when the sun is still up after 10pm, but I, and everyone else I know, have to work in the morning and we're all old and too lazy to go out. Missing old friends and wishing they didn't move away.

So I guess summer is bittersweet. All that heat becomes restlessness somewhere along the way. All that sun equals too much pressure some days. The pressure to have fun, to make the most of the day. Even at 10pm on a Tuesday night after a 12 hour shift. Gloomy winter nights hold no pressure at all, staying in and watching another episode of the Wire is perfectly acceptable in November. But in the heat of July, if you're not nightswimming you're wasting a perfect evening. Or something. I'm accepting all offers of nightswimming by the way.

Toronto Squats and Concerts

Yesterday I went to a women's housing squat/protest down by Bloor and Sherbourne. It was really well organized; there was warm food being served, people handing out bottles of water and there was even a girl walking around with a bottle of sunscreen. I love stuff organized by all-women coalitions, they remember the little things like if you don't feed people they'll leave come dinner time. We were down there from 1pm till about 8pm - way to vacation protest eh? The march ended up at an abandoned building that a handful of women squatted since the night before. (The whole block is owned by the same landlord who's been letting these heritage buildings crumble for years waiting till they're beyond repair so he can demolish them and build condos. He's even put weights on the tops of some of the buildings to make them crumble faster. I ran into Erika, who I met in Venezuela, she grew up around the corner and said the whole block has been empty since she was a kid.)

There were tons of cops. Tents went up, the mood was chill most of the afternoon; we just hung out and chanted some. Toronto activists are much better with chants than us westcoasters. Stuff like High Rents will make you wanna Squat! Squat! to the tune that old Kris Kross song. Who wants condos - Nooooooooobody! And my favourite: They say Condos! We say Fuck You! But that could be my inner potty mouth talking.

The strangest thing was the way the cops took over. We were expecting it all day. But then around 7:30 or so it started pouring. Like huge drops, can't last more than 5 mins, thunderstorm out of nowhere, pouring. Just then the cops on horses rounded the corner and pushed the whole crowd across the street, throwing tents out of the way, and stomping on some people. It's like they were standing by, watching the weather network, waiting for the downpour so they can take us right when we're the most disorganized. I happened to duck into a corner store looking for an umbrella when all the shit went down and got to watch it from a comfortable distance. They broke down the door and arrested all the squatters and then proceeded to harass the crowd by riding horses into us, backing us against walls and such. My bike ended up behind police lines so I had to wait around for about an hour after the crowd marched back to the community centre so I could get Laura's bike back. Here's some limited coverage of the event.

I'm staying at Laura's amazing house while she's in Montreal (thanks Laura!). And she's lent me the use of her bike (don't worry, I got it back!) But I'm super sick. I can't tell if it's allergies or a cold, or both. My sister is sick so I might have caught it from her. I'm just waiting for Sharmeen to come over with some Tylenol Cold&Flu so we can go out for breakfast and enjoy the day together. I hope I'm not miserably sick. I managed to get tickets to the sold out CSS show tonight off of Craigslist (good old Craigslist) but if I feel like crap I might just sell them and head back to the Hammer early. I really hope the pharmaceuticals work.

I Heart NY

So you know how when everyone visits NYC they all say they want to move there? I never really understood that impulse until now. I always thought NYC would feel too big and crowded and overwhelming - but not so, my friends. It's great! I love it. And yes, I want to move here. Not really move, like the way I feel about Toronto - Toronto and I are old lovers who just need to take the next step and move in together, NYC is a hot young thing I want to date. I want to date it the way I used to date Montreal; stopping in every year on route to the Hammer. NYC is my new Montreal. I no longer really have friends or places to crash in MTL, whereas in NYC I've got a friend here and another who's moving here in August. Plus it's cheaper to fly Seattle-NYC-Buffalo home than Vancouver-Toronto.

I'm at Jamie's house in Brooklyn. She always inspires me, this time it's with her hand made couch, kitchen table, bathroom door, and photo/video projects that are on the go. And her place is an amazing 2 story apt with a spiral staircase and rooftop balcony with a view of the Manhattan skyline. I thought there was a housing crisis around here. Speaking of which, I heard NYC's been cleaned up and all, but I was expecting more grime and poverty and, you know, "danger". So far nothing compares to the DTES, not even remotely. Not to say that I want to see destitution or anything, but I whenever I travel I realize my just how much my tolerance has been raised by living in Vancouver; it's scary.

The Itinerary

I can't believe I've only been here 2 days. I started out touristy. Maybe it was the 3 hours sleep I was running on after a weekend of sun and allergies and Sasquatchiness, but I wanted something easy. So I hopped the train to Times Square, ate a bagel and got the hell out of there. The MOMA and Art&Design Museum were just closing so I only got to go into the gift shops which are fun in and of themselves. On to Fifth Ave where I told myself I would just go into stores for a brief air conditioned respite from the heat. Found some deals at H&M, wrote some text messages in a really beautiful old church. Read my book in Central Park, rode the bus and regretted it, ate dinner in Greenwich village, strolled around and took a frustratingly confusing subway home due to holiday construction chaos. Today was Ground Zero - which I knew wouldn't move me but I was still disappointed when it didn't. (But later when I was riding the subway to Brooklyn we went underneath it and it was all pockmarked with damage and eerie and kinda haunting) Then back up to the Mac store (thanks mom and dad!) then more reading in Central Park, then off to Chelsea where I tried to stumble upon some art galleries but ended up only finding the Cuban Art Gallery which was disappointingly small (it apparently houses the most Cuban art outside of Cuba, I don't know, it didn't look like it), but I did score a $12 red polka dotted summer dress along the way. Yogurt gelato, subway rides and another bout of reading in Central Park while I waited for Jamie to get home.

Tomorrow morning we're walking around Park Slope and catching a feminist art show of some kind and then I'm off on a flight to Buffalo at 5, from which I'll get a ride back to Hamilton. Oh and btw, I think I'm cured of my recent fear of flying. Maybe it was the sleeping pills/valerian root/rescue remedy concoction I took on my flight out, or the fact that I had Bjork's All is Full of Love in my head (she headlined Sasquatch), I don't know, but around 4am I just snapped out of it and told myself to think positively, of course we wouldn't crash in a fiery inferno to the ground, that's ridiculous. I didn't even mind all the turbulence or the shaky landing all obscured by clouds. Although I did get nervous when the ticker tape on all the news channels said that a JetBlue flight destined to JFK (I was on a JetBlue flight to JFK) had to make an emergency landing when it was struck by lightening and started smelling like electrical fire. Ummmm, I looked around, everyone was asleep. Damn satellite TV, these are the sorts of things we shouldn't have to hear about while on a plane. I wondered if the flight crew already knew. I wanted to wake up the cute jewish girl beside me and point to the running ticker tape, but I just closed my eyes and sang All is Full of Love in my head. What are the chances of two JetBlue planes being struck by lightening on the same day? If anything it would be a different airline that would be hit the 2nd time around.